I See Now That I Am Lost

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They say that everything happens for a reason and today is no different.

The Northpoint Community Church Service left me with two powerful messages today. Both being messages that I needed to hear at the particular point in time.

The first being: always feel blessed for what you have - always strive to see the good in a situation because things could always be worse.

There was an older woman who was baptized this morning. Her story was that she grew up in an orphanage, experienced a lot of dark things that most people should never experience and would traumatize those that did. After being adopted at 16 she went onto learn that she needed to have a hysterectomy and soon after that was diagnosed with a brain tumor that left her with a 50/50 chance of living. After undergoing brain surgery, she recovered but with 100% deafness in her left ear and with 15% of the tumor remaining but she felt so blessed to be alive. She was happy and so moved to accept Jesus Christ as her savior and talked about how lucky and blessed she felt and how much she loved Jesus for giving her so many wonderful things into her life (more time in her life, friends, family, etc).

This yet again reminds me how easily it is to take things for granted. We all become so consumed with the day to day demands of life that we temporarily lose sight of what is really important and how blessed we really are. It is so easy to give all of your time to your career in hopes that will provide a better life, or to wish day-in and day-out that if only you had a little more this or a little more of that, that life would be so much easier. Money, time, luxuries, we all want more of something and we are so consumed with trying to get it that we lose sight of all of the blessings we really have. We force ourselves to believe that more money, more time, etc will bring us happiness when in reality, if we stop, look at all that has already been given to us - we HAVE everything we need for true happiness.

The second message: John 1:14,17 and Luke 15 were just as powerful.

I admit to being completely overwhelmed with emotions while reviewing The Parable of the Lost Son. The story of a man who divided his property (life long earnings) to give to his youngest son because the son couldn't wait for his father to pass away to get his share. The son liquidates what he can and moves to a distant country where he lives well outside his means. He ends up broke, starving, and the only job he can find was to feed pigs. One day he remembers how well his father treated his servants and decided to return home, apologize to his father for sinning against him and heaven, and asks to be hired as a servant since he is no longer worthy of being his son. But upon returning his father runs to him, hugs him and kisses him because he was so filled with compassion for his son - never once did he feel anger towards him. He clothed his son and ordered that a party be thrown for his return stating, "Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."

This message of realizing when you are lost (or have gotten off track) and coming "home" again or (attempting to get back on track) is all that truly matters in life - really hit home to me. I for one have given myself so completely to just one area of my life so consistently for the last year that I lost sight of not only myself, but all that is important to me and all that truly matters. I went from having balance and being on the right track of happiness to being completely unbalanced -off track, and that in turn affects, again not only myself, but my relationships with my friends and my family - the greatest blessings I have. Now it is simply (yet not so simple) about restoring that balance and being "present" for each and every one of them as they have been to me - while I've been lost.

A lot has happened in the last 9-10 months. From the murder of my cousin to my Father's heart attack a few weeks later. Things that affect my family affect me and they needed me in a time that while I was physically 'there' for them, I wasn't "present" for them in the way that I needed to be and the way that truly counts. While I know they love me and will forgive me for that, I need to do the same for myself but I feel I won't be able to forgive myself until I make what I feel is an amends. I have decided, through these messages today, that I will request 2 months leave of absence from work - no matter the cost - I will cross that bridge when I come to it. In that two months, my main focus will be reestablishing myself as a presence in the lives of those I love the most and those who need me the most and I will work on myself as well, my health, my well-being, and all this will overall help my happiness.

I will spend more time with my father and grandmother. I will be more invested in their care, their medications, monitoring their numbers, etc. I will go visit my mother and my ailing grandmother. I will deal with all of the situations that I never allowed myself to deal with while I hid behind work. At the end of these two months, I hope to restore balance and a peace within myself. If work allows me to return I shall be grateful, but if not, I will move onto to the next life adventure that waits me - regardless I have to do what I know is right and trust that everything - weather it's my relationships, my career or financial will turn out okay in the end. I will trust in faith and believe in the Lord.

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