This was written in loving memory of Jamie Senior 12-4-12.  

You will forever be adored, loved and missed.

Wishing to fly
This painful grasp holds me tight
I'm chained to this spot, the same spot
never changing or growing - though I keep fighting
Now I'm sinking down into my soul until there's nothing left
I hit the floor and the only place left to look is up, how did I get here?

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I'm not a bad person…

For some of us that's the thought that follows so many questions such as Why me? How could they? Why would they?

You are not a bad person, you are positive, you treat others well and expect it in return, but the fact is that none of that matters - not to those who wrong you. It doesn't matter whether or not you are a good person.  Whether or not you wouldn't do something to someone - it doesn't stop them from doing to you. 

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I didn't mean to, that I know for sure
What I thought I'd thought-out was oversight
Blinded by youth and comparisons of the unknown
What did I know? Then I'd say I thought it all
Now I know that I knew simply nothing at all
I left you all alone…. but I didn't mean to...

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Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Leanne Kallal from Tiny Buddha

“You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are.” ~Yogi Bhajan

Have you ever stopped to think about your definition of fear?

As my dear friend Mr. Webster states, fear is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”

Simply put, I disagree with this definition of fear.

My definition of fear goes something like this….

“An opportunity for self discovery and self growth; a well of untapped personal power and strength; the gateway from wishing and wanting to doing and being.”

The truth is, for most of us, fear is present on a regular basis, but the form that it chooses to present itself in is constantly changing. Maybe you experience anxiety, a deep nervousness, confusion, lack of motivation, uncertainty, or something unidentifiable deep within.

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"The illusion of "I am that" holds many of us captive in prisons of our own making. In the struggle to define ourselves as individuals, we often paint ourselves into lonely and sometimes dangerous corners. Gender, sexual orientation, politics, religion, race - although we may belong to a particular group, it is the over-identification with that group that separates us from the next individual. We become stunted in growth when we cling to these outward labels". 

- F. Emelia Sam

Somewhere along the way…things evolved to fall into categories. Everything suddenly (or not so suddenly) had a title or a label with predetermined meaning. Instead of finding our own meanings we allow ourselves to believe in things which we are told the meaning of…including ourselves. When you stop and think about yourself…and what defines you, do you come up with labels like: Mother, Brother, Wife, Friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, Liberal, Conservative, Writer (or insert job title here), boss, assistant, poor, rich, average, etc?

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I'm the one you really want, but you just can't see it
I tried and tried to make you understand - won't believe it
It's a shame...
You missing out on a good thing,
It's a shame...
You can't see a damn thing.
What you so scared of me for?
I'm just a woman
Maybe I got it all together like you think maybe I do!
'Cause yo I'm fresh and cool!

I can fend on my own, I'm magnificent
I'm a Queen on my throne, I'm magnificent
I'm the magnificent (Say what? Say what?)
I'm the magnificent

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I was asked if I intended on blogging about my personal training sessions and body transformation.  Initially no, since I'm looking too much for a body transformation as I am for a healthy and fully functional body as I continue to age, I thought it would be boring to write about.  However, I didn't think about the motivational part of it.  This journey IS going to be filled with highs and lows which is what this blog is about anyway so here it goes...

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I just had to share this.  Paulo Coelho can always find the greatest articles.  While they are all good tips, I for one, need to focus on 2, 5, and 6!

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To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

We often hear that "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder" and to me that means when you fail to see the beauty in something, you don't change what you're looking at, you change your perception of what you're looking at. Today I am making the conscience decision to change the way that I see myself.

Sometimes I have to step back, observe and remind myself of all that makes me great emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It's easy to become your worst critic but it's hard to become your biggest fan.

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My immature maturity.
My clarity in confusion.
I'm left blinded by both the Wiseman and the Flasher.

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I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think my fellow music lovers will agree that Music is such a strong force. It moves you into a realm deeper than reality. It can resonate a movement so deep that you can’t help but give into its passion. The harmonious bass and treble touts the sensuality in your soul. It’s the perfect melody over an enticing beat that envelops you into comfort, understanding, and acceptance. Music paces the rhythm of our lives and I for one couldn’t live without it.

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They say that everything happens for a reason and today is no different.

The Northpoint Community Church Service left me with two powerful messages today. Both being messages that I needed to hear at the particular point in time.

The first being: always feel blessed for what you have - always strive to see the good in a situation because things could always be worse.

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It seems there is nothing more confusing and taboo than matters of the heart. Doesn't seem to matter who you are, what gender you are or how old you are.


I am always amazed and find it funny we when dive head first into something as soon as the heart says go and our heads aren't even involved. I find it strange that we ask for multiple outside opinions when it comes to clothing or haircuts than we do about putting our own hearts on the line. We consider it a drastic change to color or cut our hair, or to purchase a sweater but then tend to not think twice when it comes to giving our hearts so completely to someone else.  The first of which is easy to  "recover" from...and the other not so much, yet we tend not to caution the latter.

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Tonight I was walking to my car and something drew me to the sky. When I looked up I was almost mesmerized with how illuminated the sky was. It was perfectly clear and you could see every last constellation. It made me pause for a moment to appreciate the sheer beauty of it. It also made me think back to when I was a teen and marveled at nature in that same way…. I tried to study everything stars, birds, plants, trees, etc

That every moment summed up life in a nutshell for me. That crystal clear sky is the same one that I used to look at over 15 years ago…sometimes it's hard to see through the smog, fog and pollution that we've put into the world but it has always been there. Tonight the clouds just happened to disappear and reminded me of the beauty that had been there all along.

Life is that way isn't it? There is a beauty to be found in each and every one of us. Sometimes we can't see it because we cloud it with emotional and physical pollution like stress, fears, anxieties, worry, etc. But, much like that sky, the true natural beauty is always there. We just have to clear the clouds that get in the way.

I feel like this has been a consistent topic of discussion.  Can exes really be just friends?  I for one have always taken the stand of YES (depending on how it ended)…if things ended with mutual respect for one another then why not?!  After all you don’t just stop caring about a person you once loved because it didn’t work out romantically for the long haul right?

I know a lot of people would disagree with that all together and state that once you’ve had a romantic relationship then there is nothing to be had past that  - not friends, casual acquaintances – nada. I get it, I do, I get that is a difficult thing to do but I don’t believe that it just simply can’t be done.

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